


The Diary of Her Royal Highness Ouba Auriant-Blot, Pomeranian

by FLWhite, zetaophiuchi (ryuujitsu)



Series: 2 boys, 1 dog, 1 snake [2]
Category: SKAM (France), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant Adjacent - Freeform, HA HA HA HA HA HA, M/M, Oubaaaaaa, RPF, WE ARE BUFFOONS BUT WE ARE NOT SORRY, extreme fluffiness (of dogs, for God’s sake look up what RPF is if you don’t know, maxel, of emotions), of hair, the best wingdog in all of paris, what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 13:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18235640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FLWhite/pseuds/FLWhite, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuujitsu/pseuds/zetaophiuchi
Summary: Is a summary even necessary?Ouba, the most beautiful dog in the world, narrates some days in her life with her human—and her human’s human.





	The Diary of Her Royal Highness Ouba Auriant-Blot, Pomeranian

**Author's Note:**

> **With all due love and respect for these talented boys, please do NOT share this piece outside the AO3 community.**
> 
> Inspired (perhaps “inspired” is too lofty a word) in part by [Plea from a Cat Named Virtute](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd1J6LpvECI).

*

My name is Ouba Auriant-Blot.

I live with my human in Paris. It is the best city. I have the best human. He takes many pictures of me. I am his princess. We go on many walks. He is good at petting and scritching.

But lately my human has been acting funny.

Each day he comes home only for a little bit, while the outside sun is still high, and gives me my dinner early. We go on walks, but they are not very long. Then he comes back long after the outside sun goes away, turns on the inside sun, and takes me for another walk.

Like today. My human came home while I was napping and jingled my leash. But I was still sleepy! He sighed and picked me up, which was nice. He said many words, but I was too tired to follow. I only understood that he needed to take me outside right then and go somewhere else. I bumped him with my nose. I was trying to tell him that he had been doing that every day for a while. But he just laughed and took my picture. He did give me an extra treat after dinner, though. My human is still the best human.

*

He talks a lot to his shiny square. The square is for taking photos of my beautiful self, so I don't know why he talks to it. I don’t know who he’s talking to. The square does not talk back. I have looked in all the rooms but there is no one. He smiles a lot because of the square. I don’t think I like the square. I make a point of barking at it when it makes noises. It makes a lot of noises. Especially lately. My human usually scolds me if I bark this much. But he’s too busy with that square and just scratches behind my ears.

*

Today I was angry with my human. He came back very late and said he was sorry. He patted my head and gave me another extra treat. But I did not forgive him because he smelled different and I knew that meant he was spending time with another dog. So I went to bed early. My human told me not to sulk but I turned around and faced the wall. That should show him that I am serious.

*

Today my human brought another human home. Other humans have come before, and they are all very nice to me, because I am so beautiful. The new human is bigger than the other humans that have come. I do not trust him. His hair is fluffy, but it is not as fluffy as my hair, and we both know it. He tried to make me like him with new treats, but I only like the treats my human gets for me. He tried to squeak the squeak toy, but he did not do it loudly enough. The only thing he is good at is petting. But he also petted my human and that is strange. Maybe he thinks my human is a dog. That is also strange.

*

The other human came again today. He talked a lot about something called a snake. He said that he would like me to meet this snake. The snake is called Brian. I do not like the name Brian. It is not as nice as Ouba. I do not think Brian can be as beautiful as I am. It is rude of the other human to talk about Brian when I am right here.

*

Today the other human brought me a new squeak toy and a bow for my hair. He called me Princess Ouba and scratched behind my ears. Maybe he is not so bad after all.

*

My human has stopped staying out late. Instead, the other human stays with us until the outside sun comes out. This makes my human very happy. He sings sometimes because he is so happy. He dances with me in the kitchen while the other human laughs.

I am happy my human is at home, but I think I do not like the other human after all. Whenever he is here, he takes my human into the other room and they close the door in my face and don’t come out for a long time. And because of this, sometimes my dinner is late. I know they are not doing anything important in there. I can hear them. They are having a party. It is not nice of this human to leave me out of the fun, even if he brings me bows for my hair.

*

Something strange has happened. Yesterday my human came home alone. Today he did not come out of his room for a long time. I barked a little at his door. He did not come out. The outside sun got bright. He did not come out.

Finally he came out and said he was sorry. He started to pour some food into my bowl. But then he went into the big white room where he keeps his human foods. He came out with a whole piece of juicy chicken and shredded it for me just how I like it. I ate it quickly to show how him much I liked it. We went for a walk, not very far. My human moved slowly and his head was down.

I did not see the other human all day. I thought he might come after the outside sun went away. He did not. My human went back into his room and only came out to give me my dinner and take me for another walk, in the dark. He moved even slower than before. I had to wait for him a lot.

*

Something is wrong with my human. I think he is broken.

He came home today and sat in the dark. He did not bother with the inside sun or his shiny square. He sat without moving in the nighttime inside and made some strange noises with his nose and a white square, like a goose honking. I licked his face and pranced to make him smile, but he did not smile, and his face was salty.

He let me sleep in the human bed with him, right on the pillow by his face. He honked a few more times before we fell asleep. I do not think my human ate any dinner. I do not know what happened. I am worried.

*

My human did not honk today. I saw him eat something in the big white room. He also gave me another piece of chicken. I was glad. But he still moved slowly around our home. It was time for our walk but he was looking again at his shiny square. He seemed angry at it. I was glad, because I still do not like the shiny square. He threw it on the table and picked up my leash. I wagged my tail a lot to show him that I was excited.

We walked much farther than we had gone for a long time. I smelled many interesting things and barked at many birds and other dogs, because none of them is as beautiful as me. The outside sun was very warm and nice on my hair.

Then I smelled a smell I knew. It was the other human. I do not know why, but I felt glad to smell him. I knew my human would be glad to smell him too. But my human did not seem to notice.

I barked once to show my human that his human was there, but he did not pay attention to me. I pulled at my leash to show my human that his human was there, but he did not pay attention to me. I pulled so hard that my leash flew out of his hand.

I am not just the most beautiful dog in Paris. I am also the strongest and the fastest. I ran.

My human shouted my name. He told me to come back, but I did not come back. He told me to stop, but I did not stop. I ran very fast to the other human. The air smelled like squirrels, but I did not pay attention to that.

The other human was sitting on a bench. He was surprised to see me. He looked around and then he picked me up. He said he was happy to see his princess again. I licked his face and he smiled. He scratched behind my ears.

He kept looking around. We looked around together. Finally my human arrived. I could see his tongue. He was breathing loudly. My human needs to run more.

The other human said my human’s name.

My human stood up straight and said some things, too, but I was not paying attention. So I do not know what he said.

The other human set me down and I ran around their legs in circles so they would not forget about me. But they forgot about me. I barked but they did not care. They stood very close to each other and did not look anywhere else. It was very boring. I smelled a squirrel but it was too far away for me to chase. I lay down on the ground and waited.

Finally, my human picked up my leash again. He smelled different, like flowers. I thought he might sing. The other human did not sit back down on the bench. Instead, he also put his hand on my leash. I had never walked with two humans at the same time before. I do not know if I liked it. But the humans seemed happy.

*

When we got home, both my human and the other human gave me lots of scritches. It felt nice. Then they gave me a great big piece of chicken and also a bone. But I was not happy because they went into the other room and closed the door. I do not like it when my humans party without me.

*

Yesterday I met Brian. Brian said he knew many secrets. He said sssssecretssss because he is a sssssnake. I asked him what secrets. I did not say sssssecretssss because I am a dog.

I asked Brian about my humans’ parties. Brian said I was too young to know. I do not like Brian.

_fin_

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, please let us know with a comment/kudos! 
> 
> You can find us on tumblr: [@hallo-catfish](http://hallo-catfish.tumblr.com) and [@xiangyu](http://xiangyu.tumblr.com).


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